We’re All Doomed (And That’s Okay)
I don’t know about you, but 2022 seems to have gotten off to a rocky, less-than-stellar start for a lot of folks, including myself. Which is disappointing, considering we went into this new year with a shrug and the attitude that pretty much anything would be better than the year past, which was only slighter better than the previous year, which was abysmal. All any of us is looking for at this point is a little relief…which seems to be increasingly hard to come by.
Never fear, because we are, in fact, all doomed. No, really. I have comforted myself with the old adage, “Don’t take life too seriously. You will never get out alive.” And believe it or not, it’s helping. Now, whenever things seem horrible, terrible or particularly catastrophic, I can just shake it off with the nonchalance of a dying woman. Don’t think of it as grim; let it give you a new lease on this head shaking, frustrating, rat maze, puzzle we are all in called life. When you think of it that way, what’s the worst that could happen?
Never known to be someone to settle for less when more is available, I thought if one cliché is helpful, a whole pocketful of platitudes could be a real game changer! When life hands you lemons, hit back with a bumper sticker worthy mantra. I see your misery, and I raise you a cheery motto. Will it work? I don’t know, but it’s free, and I’ve run out of other ideas at this point, so I thought I would offer up a few of my favorite little slogans should you need them to defend yourself from the general state of the world right now:
90 percent of what you worry about will never happen. My mother used to tell me this often when I was growing up. I’ve always been a worrier, even though I know it accomplishes nothing. I’m not sure how the math was figured on this saying, and as a teenager I was quite fond of firing back and asking “what about the other ten percent?” Now, as an adult, I know with some certainty that the other ten will definitely happen, but what will really come for you with a vengeance are the things you never even thought to worry about. Gulp. Don’t you feel better now. Let’s move on to the next.
There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant. As a consummate people-pleaser, I need to keep this one with me at all times. I saw a funny (and timely) meme last week that said, “If you don’t like me, you should be tested for COVID. It causes lack of taste.” I suppose, all though it will always baffle and bother, there will without fail be people who just don’t like me. My goal is to let those people fall out of my orbit and become, as the catchy little slogan says, irrelevant. Not liking moi is certainly a personal problem for the individual and not something I need to take on. After all, I’m not even going to get out of this alive—my time is a precious commodity!
Some days you’re a bug, some days you’re a windshield. I have also seen this worded, “Some days you’re the statue, some days you’re the pigeon,” but since I have a longstanding fear of birds, I much prefer the bug/windshield version. Please take whichever you are partial to and enjoy. What I’m driving at is there are some days when everything goes your way and some days when it all just metaphorically craps all over you, now doesn’t it? 2022 seems to be doling out an awful lot of the latter, but I have high hopes that the scales will balance at some point. I’d like to remember what it’s like to be the windshield, the statue, the top dog. I think I know exactly too well what it feels like to be the bug at this point.
When all else fails, make a batch of pimento cheese. Okay, I made that one up, but even if it doesn’t exactly reek of wisdom, it will net you pimento cheese. And that has to make you feel better, right? It’s the elixir of comfort, and you can enjoy it with some Saltines in your kitchen or take it to a party and kick up your heels and show life who’s really boss, if you are so inclined. Everyone has their own favorite recipe (and Palmetto Cheese straight from the grocery store is pretty dang delicious as well), but I’m particularly fond of this one, from our friends who rarely fail us at Southern Living magazine. Kind of makes you want to say “life is grate,” now doesn’t it? Oh, that’s just me?
I’m sure I could go on and on with plenty more t-shirt worthy wisdom, but life is too short for fake friends, fat free cheese, or long-winded blog posts (someone please tell that to all these recipe bloggers who continue to share their methodology and/or life story before finally cutting to the chase and giving us the dang recipe, already). I know you get the idea, and the idea, really, is this: don’t let any of it get you down. My granddaddy was fond of reminding me that when you get through one thing, there will always be another, and another, and another. Such is life. And those things don’t really matter in the grand scheme of it all anyway, because we are all, most certainly, guaranteed, without question doomed. In the best possible way!
According to the Chinese calendar, 2022 is the year of the Tiger.
So I think it only appropriate when I tell you, “Go get ‘em, Tiger!”